CHAPTER 15
Ocha: Sit down, form a circle and hold hands.
Tomo: This is so cool. I feel like I’m in a movie.
Shannon: We will turn this into a movie, if you don’t shut up.
Tomo: Someone’s scaaaaaaaaaaared.
Shannon: Oh fu…
Tomo (louder): SCAAAAAAAAAARED.
Jared: Both of you shut up and let the girl talk.
Clare: Seems like someone secretly likes the convention.
Jared blushed.
Muna: Alright, can we get this shit started already?
Anna: Jeez Muna, we ARE ready. I have lighted up the candles.
Ocha: Well this is not enough.
Jared: Do we need to sing something or what?
Sophie: I guarantee you that the spirits won’t come with Vox Populi, dad.
Jared sighed.
Tomo and Shannon laughed.
Ocha: First of all…who do you want us to contact?
Muna: Didn’t we say Kurt Cobain?
Anna: Yes, I want Kurt Cobain! DAAAAAAAAD. PLEAASE.
Jared: Anna, I don’t think this is….
Ocha: Anyone could work. In the other world there are no celebrity labels.
Shannon: How do you know?
Tomo: Yeah. I’m pretty sure Michael Jackson highfives Plato everytime he sees him.
Muna: I think we’re out of line, guys.
Ocha: Yes! So I’ll need a hair from some of you.
Shannon: Uhm, some? Why not all?
Ocha: I’ll need a hair from the people who are in the circle and have had sex during Nirvana songs.
Shannon: NO WAY. THIS IS NOT REAL!
Ocha: Come on. Whoever of you has done it, shall give me a hair.
Tomo: I haven’t cause I am a virgin.
Jared: Dude. Seriously, we’re not in a family show now.
Tomo: Arrgh, alright, take this.
Tomo handed a hair to Ocha.
Ocha: Great, thanks! Anyone else?
Shannon: I think we’re clear.
Ocha: Notice that if you lie, the spirit will not come and the house might be cursed. This will have bad conseque…
Shannon: Oh fuck it, I HAVE ! Here you are.
Shannon handed a hair to Ocha.
Clare: Seriously , Shannon?
Sophie: I’m still trying to picture the sex scene of Tomo and I just…
Tomo: SOPHIE!
Jared: Alright, now I think we can move on…
Shannon: Bro, where do you think you’re going?
Jared: Err nowhere, I’m still sitting here. Can we start?
Shannon: Give a hair to Ocha.
Jared: No, why should I?
Shannon: BROTHER, I SAID GIVE A HAIR TO OCHA.
Jared: DUDE I HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE TO ANYONE.
Shannon: JARED I’VE SEEN YOUR SEX TAPE.
Everyone in the room almost cried out.
Jared: NOW, you’re lying. I DON’T HAVE A SEX TAPE.
Shannon: Oh really? Does the “Bunny creator” ring a bell to you?
Jared froze.
Jared: Great. Amazing. You are a great uncle. Confessing to your nephews that their dad has a sex tape. How MATURE of you. Imagine now the psychological trauma you just caused.
Jared stroke Anna’s hair who was sitting next to him.
Sophie: Uhm, I’m cool?
Muna: Yeah me too. Like I didn’t know about the sex part.
Anna: Yes, dad, chill out, we’re fine. Sex keeps you fit.
Anna winked to Jared.
Clare: Guys seriouslyyyyyyy can we just go on? Jared, give a hair to Ocha.
Jared gave a hair to Ocha too.
Ocha: Alright, do you all hold hands?
All: Yes.
Ocha started saying something in latin & she put the hair in a bowl with some weird ingredients.
Shannon: I’m starting to freak out, what the…
Tomo: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH. Let her do her magic tricks.
Ocha closed her eyes & paid attention to none.
Jared: Do you think she’s high?
Clare: Positive.
Shannon: Can I go for a cig while she does that creepy stuff?
Muna: NO! You’ll break the circle.
Shannon mumbled.
Tomo was looking sad.
Jared: What’s wrong, Tomo?
Tomo: I just lost a hair from this awesome beard. You can see that I’m suffering, don’t you?
Jared: Come on, it’s not that bad…
Tomo: I’m MOURNING HERE.
Ocha: Can you let me concentrate?
Everyone hushed. After a while Ocha spoke.
Ocha: I’m afraid it doesn’t work.
Sophie: What do you mean? We’ve been waiting like motherfuckers for so long!
Ocha: I’m sorry dear, it’s not like spirits are machines. They are unpredictable.
Tomo: So you wanna tell me that I REMOVED A HAIR FROM MY BEARD WITHOUT A REASON?
Jared: True. My hair was supposed to die for a reason.
Ocha: Guys, I apologize, it’s not up to me. Blame Kurt!
Anna: Bad bad Kurt.
Clare: Or maybe one of you was lying regarding the sex.
Jared: I didn’t lie! I was listening to “Rape me” when I had sex…
Jared paused.
Jared: I’m pretty sure this didn’t sound the way it was supposed to. My girls, I swearrrrrr I neverrrrrr…
Sophie: Dad, shut up.
Muna: We’ll just ignore it, thanks.
Shannon: I can GUARANTEE YOU i have had sex with…
Anna: TOO MUCH INFORMATION, UNCLE!
Shannon: Alright, sorry.
Shannon smiled.
Tomo: So you don’t believe me? I SWEAR! I’m sure Kurt knows the truth…
Muna: Yeah if only we could find him.
Clare: I think I should be going though. I will be at the studio all day long!
Jared: Are you a singer?
Clare: Yeah. Still on my first steps.
Jared: We should do an actual singing convention once. Thanks for bringing your guitar anyway.
Clare: No worries! Ocha?
Ocha: I’m coming with you. Nice meeting you all, guys.
ALL: Bye girls!!
Tomo: I gotta go too, big day tomorrow.
Shannon: Yeah we’re back on business after a while.
Tomo, Clare & Ocha left.
Jared: I can’t wait to get back on stage tomorrow.
Muna: We will finally come to your show…legally!
Shannon: Yes, but you will have no backstage pass. You will be at the arena. Alright?
Girls: Alright, uncle.
Jared: STRICTLY in the arena.
Anna: Why are you shouting? Aren’t we always disciplined?
Jared: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that and I’ll go to bed. Goodnight pervs.
The Leto family went to sleep.
The next day was a busy day for everyone as the girls were so excited for tonight’s gig that they called all their friends to tell them about it. They also spent the entire day creating 30 seconds to Mars merch. Muna received her package from Mars Store (Check the official Mars Store here: http://bit.ly/j6yIaB) too.
The boys spent their day practicing their performance. They did rehearsals all day long, since they wanted to be prepared for the big show at that night.
The time for the 30 seconds to Mars show was almost there. The girls, as promised, went to the arena to see their family perform. The band was backstage, listening to the support-band.
Shannon: You guys ready?
Tomo: BORN READY, MATE!
Jared: Sure! A bit nervous, but I’m fine.
Shannon: Let me tweet to those muddafuggaz that we’re going out.
Tomo: Shan, we’ll be out in like 10 minutes, you don’t have time for that tweet.
Shannon: Oh shut up already.
After 5 minutes, Shannon tweeted “YOU READY MUDDAFUGGAZ!”.
Jared: You’re getting better and better. I think that was your time record, don’t you think?
Shannon ignored his brother.
Some minutes later, Shannon had to step on stage to go to his drums.
Shannon grabbed his drumsticks. Suddenly he started dancing the Macarena moves non-stop. The crowd was looking at him astonished.
Jared pulled his hair.
Jared: WHAT ARE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU DOING THERE, BROTHER!
Shannon: I don’t know, I can’t stop, I just have to…
Shannon kept doing the Macarena moves. He had now stood up.
(In case you don’t know the Macarena moves, watch here: http://bit.ly/cPMTzd)
Tomo: WHAT THE HELL, should I go and wake him up?
Jared got all worried.
Jared: Uh uh….errr….no go & start “Escape” now!
Tomo stepped on the stage, the crowd clapped and Tomo grabbed his guitar.
By the time he grabbed it, he started scratching his beard, unable to stop.
Jared: GUYS, CUT IT OFF, THIS IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOT FUNNY!!!
Tomo: Sorry dude, I can’t!!
Tomo kept scratching his beard.
Jared: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUU, NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR BEARD!!
Tomo: I need to scratch it!
The crowd was just standing there, all silent.
On stage, Shannon was dancing to Macarena and Tomo was scratching his beard non-stop.
Jared: Alright, Jared, you can do this. They are kidding you and by the time you get on stage, everything will get back to normal.
Jared stepped on stage and the crowd shouted and clapped.
Jared looked at Shannon.
Jared: Can you stop this fuckery now?
Shannon: I can’t bro, I just HAVE TO!
Shannon turned right to keep the Macarena moves.
Jared grabbed the microphone and attempted to start singing “Escape” but instead of “Escape” he started singing “S&M” by Rihanna.
Jared: Na, na, na COME ON!
Tomo: DUUUUUUUUDE, NOT RIHANNA!
Jared: You’re so good being baaaaaaaaad.
The crowd was so surprised that they thought this is a joke, so they started singing along.
….
Jared: STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT……!
Jared then sang Please don’t stop the music, Umbrella, Only girl, SOS, Disturbia.
Jared: COME ON RUDE BOY BOY , CAN YOU GET IT UP!
The crowd started questioning why Jared was singing these songs. They were Echelon so they didn’t start throwing tomatoes to them but they were shouting MARS song titles.
Jared: TONIGHT IMMA LET YOU BE THE CAPTAINNNNN
Tomo: Dude my EARS PLEASEEEEEEE.
Tomo started crying. He kept scratching his beard.
Shannon: I think the Macarena moves match “Rude Boy”, yeah?
Jared: WHAT YOU WANT WANT WANT, GIVE IT TO ME BABY…
The crowd ended up joining the boys after realizing the band didn’t intend to sing MARS songs.
Jared: Alright guys! Who wants to come on stage? GUESS WHAT’S OUR ENCORE SONG!
The Echelon raised their hands and screamed “Kings and Queens”.
Jared picked some people to get on stage.
Jared: UNFAITHFUL will be our encore song! HOW EXCITING!
Tomo: Jared, seriously, I’m feeling sick already. This will kill me.
Jared gave a look at Tomo.
Jared: Can’t you see? I HAVE TO DO THIS!
The girls with Clare and Ocha made it to the stage too.
Anna: What the hell, dad?!
Sophie: YOU shake it better than Rihanna, dad!
Jared: HE IS MORE THAN A MAN, AND THIS IS MORE THAN LOVE…
Tomo: You’re not even changing the genderrrrrrrr.
The girls laughed & joined Shannon at the Macarena moves. Some Echelon on stage joined them too while Jared was singing Unfaithful by Rihanna.
Suddenly, Ocha grabbed Jared’s microphone.
Ocha: Hello people! My name is Ocha.
Jared tried to take the microphone from Ocha but he couldn’t.
The crowd boo-ed Ocha.
Ocha: I’ve been waiting for this minute a long time. You just saw how ridiculous 30 seconds to Mars can be. THEY WON MY IDOL TAYLOR SWIFT IN AN ONLINE POLL! This broke my heart. And Rihanna retweeted Jared. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! I ONLY ALLOW HER TO RETWEET ME, BECAUSE SHE IS MINE! I love her.
The crowed boo-ed Ocha again.
Ocha (off the microphone): I used your hair yesterday to cast a spell on you tonight! All these things you’re doing….they are because I CAUSED THEM.
Tomo: GIRLS, ARE YOU HANGING OUT WITH A FUCKING WITCH?!
Shannon: IS THIS REALLYYYYYYY YOUR CONCERN RIGHT NOW? LIKE…..REALLY?!
Jared wasn’t talking.
Jared: The show is over, right?
All: Right!
Jared: So this doesn’t apply on us anymore, right?
All: RIGHT!
Jared grabbed Ocha and put her on his arms. He then crowd-surfed with her.
The crowd went all crazy because this was totally unexpected and Jared shouted: TAKE DOWN THE BITCH!
He then greeted some Echelon and went up on stage again.
Anna: Dad, that was genius.
Clare: OH MY GOD, I had no idea magic actually existed!
Tomo: Everything we’ve seen exists.
Muna: Honestly? So fat Godzilla exists?
Tomo: WATCH YOUR MOUTH, LITTLE GIRL! Godzilla is a sensitive monster…
Jared apologized once again to the audience, thanked them & told them some sweet words. He also sang the chorus of “The Kill” acoustic with the audience and apologized again.
After the show, the girls and the boys drove to a restaurant to eat dinner.
Jared: I will not be surprised if none comes to our next show.
Shannon: True. The last time we had the girls playing the “Dear Diary, my family…” game and now THIS. THIIIIIS. THIS IS MUCH WORSE!
Anna: It wasn’t THAT bad…Your dancing was cool.
Shannon: It’s the easiest thing ever, sweetheart.
Muna: I can’t understand how easily you got over what this witch DID TO YOU!
Shannon: If you’ve seen Jared drunk, you’ve seen everything in life.
Tomo: I have to agree!
Jared: I am not that funny. Call this off.
Shannon: The last time you took the tomato-pillow, you threw it in the boiler, you actually boiled it and you waited for it to become tomato soup.
Tomo: And you were singing “Don’t cry for me Argentina”.
Shannon: I request a high-five!
Tomo high-fived him.
Jared wore his sunglasses.
Sophie: Dad, it’s almost midnight. Take off your sunglasses.
Jared: I’m trying to remind your uncle, what had happened with some sunglasses when he was drunk.
Shannon: This is a story for another time…
Muna: Tomo, tell us your drunk story!
Tomo: I’ll have to owe you that one cause this is a long story…
Anna: Promise?
Tomo: I promise!
Jared: Pinky promise?
Tomo: I only give pomegranate promises, mate.
Tomo smiled at Jared. Jared smiled back.
